This article is based on true events. Natasha’s story is so strong and inspiring that it felt like I must share. The names have been changed and the only motive of this story is to help others who are going through a hard phase in life.
So, let’s hear it from her:
“I remember it hurts; thinking about him hurts. I gave Alan my soul and yet he left me. We were in love for two years and then suddenly something changed. His smile changed, the way he looked at me changed — he became a different person. I did my best to learn what’s wrong so that I can fix it. I remember blaming myself for a long time that I must have done something that he was hurting and in turn behaved differently. I never got my answer though and one day he said we need to talk. I still exactly remember that table in the coffee shop. It felt like a whole mountain fell on me and I was helpless. I cried, I begged, I blamed myself out-loud and promised to change myself to whatever he wants. But nothing worked. I guess it never does at that point. To him I was just history now — an unwanted post card that ought to be taken away from his personal wall and thrown in the trash.
I was stuck in a limbo of shocks for a long time. I couldn’t accept and apprehend what he said and what had happened. All his promises, discussions about our cute couple goals, and lovy-dovy emails kept coming back to me. I felt chocked and heart-broken. However, since I did love him, I decided to fight for him.
I won the fight after a long time and finally realized how wrong have I been about things all this while. Following are the three easy steps you need to follow to win him back:
Step 1) SOLITUDE
Give yourself some self-analysis and do analyse your relationship with him. This will help to learn a lot about yourself, him and you two as a couple. I took long park walks and baths to dig in deeper into my thoughts. I tried meditating and yoga. I travelled alone to a hill station and stayed there for a few days. But all I could think of was him and how hurt I was. I learnt that I couldn’t live without him.
Result = FAILED
Step 2) EXPRESS
Talk to him and your closed ones. I called him many times but he never answered. He didn’t even reply my emails and text messages. I remember my heart started beating faster every time my phone rang. Deep down I was hoping foolishly that it’s going to be him. I saw him at a restaurant once. I smiled but he didn’t. Later that night, he texted saying “Leave me alone!!!”. I guess when someone doesn’t care, they don’t bother your expression.
I tried not to be alone all the time and started meeting friends. They would advise me but at that moment I was unable to apprehend what they were saying — I was too hurt. After a while, my friends also started getting annoyed by the weeny mood-killing loser me.
Result = FAILED
Step 3) LET HIM SEE A NEW VERSION OF YOU
I started keeping myself busy with activities. I also began to ‘act’ confident and happy. I realized that when my body is in exertion mode, my heart would forget my pains for a moment. So, I started going to a gym. On my first day, when I looked around other people and later saw myself in the mirror, I finally realized that I am over-weight. I guess I was too busy falling in love that I had forgotten about myself.
I started working out every day and eating healthy. I stopped consuming junk food and sugar drinks. I would have my dinner at least 4 hours before going to bed. And I stopped my habit of late night TV watching which was associated with my stress-eating. I actually bought vegetables and chicken and learnt how to cook from Youtube.
After a couple of months, it became a daily habit of forgetting him for an hour every day, i.e., at the gym. I got back in shape and people started noticing it. My gym-mates, friends and work-mates started praising my new look. I guess I really was becoming a new version of me.
My gym-mates became my new friends and one of them invited me to a salsa dance class. I recalled how I used to love dancing when I was in college, so I agreed to join the class. There, at the dance class, I noticed a guy looking at me every now and then. He had a welcoming smile and looked decent. His name was Haris. One day, the instructor made him my dance partner. We started talking every day and got to know each other. He really was a nice guy with a great sense of humour.
One morning, Alan liked a few of my recent facebook photos and texted me that he wants to hangout for lunch. I absolutely said yes. We had some catching up during the lunch. He told me how he sees a new version of me and how sorry he is for all that he did. He said that he dated two women after me but never felt the same compassion and care as he did from me. I didn’t know what to say to that and I just smiled.
The same day, at the dance class, Haris asked me out and expressed that he really liked me. I told him that I’ll think about it. Later that night, I realized that how good have I been doing lately and how I felt being on the right track. I felt good about myself after a long time. I realized that the right track was not winning Alan back but was to find myself. Self-discovery was what all I needed. I needed self-respect and self-confidence. I realized how bad Alan had treated me when we were together and how fool was I in begging for acceptance.
You don’t beg for love, you don’t ask for love — it just happens if it has to.
Alan had left me and I must accept this fact. Furthermore, I didn’t need to beg for happiness. True happiness comes from inside, not from what’s around. I forgave him — it’s just that we weren’t right for each other. Life isn’t that short and time is the best healer. I should have accepted the reality earlier and let time do its magic. Next morning, I also texted Haris that we should stay friends for now.
It has been 10 months since that day and I have found new respect for myself. I am self-dependent and confident than ever. I am healthy and socially active. I regained my smooth-talker abilities and the big smile on my face. Haris and I have been together for 6 months now. He has showed me what love really is.”
Life can be hard at times. Don’t live in the fantasy that things will never go wrong for you. Life will hit you with a hammer when you never expected it. And every time you fall, it is your attitude that keeps you on the ground or helps you rise up again. It is your own choice to be sad or be happy instead. So, fall in love with yourself today and learn how to respect yourself. Self-discovery is what leads you on the track of true happiness and love.